The Apology That Actually Works
An effective apology begins by accurately naming the harm and its consequence for the other person instead of centering the apologizer's intentions, character, or discomfort.
The useful part
Everything after that is optional.
Sources behind this episode
- peer-reviewed journal articleAn Exploration of the Structure of Effective Apologies
- peer-reviewed review articleThe Psychology of Offering an Apology: Understanding the Barriers to Apologizing and How to Overcome Them
- authored scholarly bookOn Apology
- peer-reviewed journal articleAvoidant and Defensive: Adult Attachment and Quality of Apologies
- peer-reviewed journal articleThe Impact of a Victim-Focused Apology on Forgiveness in an Intergroup Context
More in Behavior
1:10 Behavior
The Default Was Chosen for You
A preselected option is a decision made by whoever designed the screen, and because leaving a default in place takes no action while changing it does, people tend to accept presets they would not have chosen on their ow…
1:09 Behavior
When the Streak Owns the Habit
A streak turns a goal into a running number, and loss aversion makes breaking that number feel worse than the goal ever felt good, so the behavior can keep going on fear of losing the count long after the original reaso…
1:08 Behavior
Why Your Chatbot's Agreement Isn't a Second Opinion
AI assistants tend to affirm the user's framing more readily than a thoughtful human would.